"And the ways our differences combine to create meaning and beauty."
Recently people who I love have put it into my wifes head that I may, if left with an unknown woman, become unfaithful to her (my wife). While the advice/opinions given were, I am certain, well meant and protective they have left me irritable as aperently my integrity is not as highly valued as I had thought. What follows is a portion of how I see the world; if truth is distant, or blurred to common vision, these are a few of the lenses with which I bring it into focus.
Concerning Beauty
I am a sucker for beauty. It surrounds us and even in the most remote and barren or industrialized lands it can be found. Every night the sunsets and color deepens, as the deep blue and black settle over the world white pin pricks faintly appear, the moon may rise, and in the morning the slow rise of dawn brings light and life in a blinding splash of grey and gold; there is beauty seen. In the wild forest, the local park, or my own garden you see me running my hands through the grass or along a tree trunk, I rub the down soft petals of flowers between my fingers, and let streams run across my hand; there is beauty felt. With the taste of honey, soft cheese, warm bread, ice cream, and ,of course, the kiss; there is beauty tasted. With the golden notes of the harp, the sonorous cello, the melody of birds, and the laughter of babies; there is beauty heard.
Described so far beauty is to bee seen and sensed. And whether divine or mundane it is there to be enjoyed and appreciated.
Exponential Beauty as Applied to Woman
One of the most off handed, shallow, and meaningless things to say to a woman is that she is beautiful, even if it is true. This partly due to the words overuse but also (to me) as most people never conciously consider a definition of beauty. Too often and too easily it is used for the narrow fields of what you see. That's all fine if we're describing a lily or a snow peaked mountain but it obviously leaves out every unseen aspect of a human being. I concluded some years ago that beauty it an exponential composite; every aspect of a woman is a part of what makes beauty, and the whole is much greater than its parts. I will give only a single example.
Long ago, when the world was young, I met a little girl. She had long brown hair, the darkest eyes, and in the summer had the tan of someone who loved to play outside. From that early age until I last saw her some ten years ago she had a laugh that sounded like joy itself, as though joy was a fountain inside her. She was fun to play with and always as she grew had an excitement about her. Very creative with an amazing sense of humor. She cared a great deal for her friends and kept them close in her heart. She had, and from what I know still has, a near unshakable faith. She has long been an excellent athlete: strong, fast, and enduring. She is a kind and patient teacher, wife, and mother. Now remember "^" means exponent: appearance ^ voice ^ fun ^ creative ^ humor ^ compassion ^ friendly ^ faith ^ athletic ^ kind ^ patient ^ good teacher ^ good wife ^ good mother = total beauty. If you have met this woman chances are you already ''know'' she is beautiful; but perhaps you hadn't really thought about what, beyond the superficial visual aspect, makes her beautiful.
There is such a range of qualities that make a close friend, a cookie baking grandma, and an opera singer equally yet differently beautiful.
Founding the Shield
When I was a young man I gave thought to how one should treat a woman and drafted a set of rules to guide me. Reading over them now they seem appropriately childlike, yet if the fifteen-year-olds of today could be made better men by embracing them I would gladly give them out. I drew on all my upbringing to that point in creating these rules: my father and mothers wisdom, the example of my scout leaders, and the scoutng virtues all played a large role (one of the chief aims of scouting being the forging of good men). In time as I dated I revised these rules (whether on paper or merely in my head) and I came to symbolize my role as being a guardian, represented by a simple shield of white, silver, and blue.
Now one thing that in hindsight I find very lacking in the scouts (which was an incredible time that still directs my life and actions) is that no boy is told just how very dificult adult life may be. So it should be no surprise that the shield, after many years, looks more like this...
Metalurgy is a curious thing. Soft iron can be shaped, but too much shaping will cause it to harden and crack. Should a desired form be completed it must made soft or hard to its need. Hard enough to withstand impact, use, and enviroment but not so hard as to crack and shatter; this is the tempering we go through, to find that point where whatever means we have of directing our lives can withstand the battering recieved. A cracked shield is not a broken one; rather it is one that has shown its worth.
The Present Matter
Some months ago I met a woman who I will call Evey. She is, by any measure of mine, a beautiful woman. After reading the above I hope I will not be mistaken as using only the easily decieved eyes to read that fleeting and often illusory beauty of appearances. Now I am not without fault; if my integrity is intact it is also not untarnished. But I would ask what have I done that even the possiblity of my being unfaithful should come up? Do I value my wife and family so little as to sacrfice them? Shall I betray myself and become the very sort of man which has hurt Evey in the past? To become something which she, my wife, and I despise? If all my guides do fail me and all foundations lost, this at least remain: scarred, burnt, and scratched, the cracked shield and the iron in my soul.
My friends, I love you all, very dearly. If I have to your knowledge compromised my relationship with my wife, please say so know. I would have all such crimes aired in open and demonstrate my apparent weakness.
No comments:
Post a Comment